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Old 07-09-2007, 05:07 PM   #1
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Hello ladies,

Is there Anyone out there can spare a few moments to advise me of the best (and hopefully safest way) of finding a sailing mate. I tried an ad a couple of years back, and it was NOT a goood experience. Hopefully I would like to meet someone likeminded this year, and sail the Med for the summer months next year. I have a 45ft yacht. His "must haves" are: qualified and experienced yachtsman, capable engineer, gsoh, nice and friendly and a dog lover. Would suit someone with free time, maybe retired, or some guy wanting a lifestyle change. I am mid 50's. RYA qualified, but lacking cruising experience, and I have lived on my boat in a marina for 5 years now, but feel next year I should make some effort and go, or I will put down roots, and be here for ever. Also some advice would be welcomed as to how to sort the finances fairly. Thanks in hope. DaisyMae.
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Old 07-09-2007, 06:02 PM   #2
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I sent you a message,

Normandie
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Old 07-09-2007, 06:18 PM   #3
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While I'm not a lady I asure you that this is a problem faced by both sexes. In fact this is the primary issue that has been holding me back.. I want to go and keep going but don't want to do it alone... I recently realized however that staying in my corporate job meeting women who have corporate jobs and trying to sale them on the idea of giving it all up for a spartan nomadic life at sea is never going to work... so I've finally settled on just going, getting my certs, and then taking crew spots to carry me wherever I am hoping to go at the moment... if I'm lucky I might meet someone along the way who had the same idea... gives a whole new perspective of ships in the night but what else is a person to do... as a boat owner you could do the same... but be the one bringing crew on board, make sure the relationship stays captain - crew for long enough to figure out if there's a chance and then go forward from there.
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Old 07-10-2007, 11:25 PM   #4
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Again, not a lady (not even a woman), but I will offer this (unsolicited) advice...

If you are going to meet someone who loves to sail, your best bet is to meet them sailing! The idea of living on board a boat and the idea of a semi-nomadic liferstyle would be considered relatively perverse by most "normal" people. The sort of person who would consider such a thing is most likely to be found hanging around on or near sail boats. I met my partner on board a mutual friend's boat. Our friendship was cemented when I plucked up the courage to ask her if she would be interested in being a part of the crew for the 2000mile delivery trip for a boat that I was purchasing. My advice would be to get out there and go, and there is a fair chance that you will start to meet interesting & like-minded people as you go.
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Old 07-13-2007, 09:31 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by DaisyMae View Post
Hello ladies,

Is there Anyone out there can spare a few moments to advise me of the best (and hopefully safest way) of finding a sailing mate. I tried an ad a couple of years back, and it was NOT a goood experience. Hopefully I would like to meet someone likeminded this year, and sail the Med for the summer months next year. I have a 45ft yacht. His "must haves" are: qualified and experienced yachtsman, capable engineer, gsoh, nice and friendly and a dog lover. Would suit someone with free time, maybe retired, or some guy wanting a lifestyle change. I am mid 50's. RYA qualified, but lacking cruising experience, and I have lived on my boat in a marina for 5 years now, but feel next year I should make some effort and go, or I will put down roots, and be here for ever. Also some advice would be welcomed as to how to sort the finances fairly. Thanks in hope. DaisyMae.
I am not a lady either and if I was not married with one son in college and another a year away I would be at the ticket counter by now!!!
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Old 07-14-2007, 01:02 PM   #6
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Again, not a lady (not even a woman), but I will offer this (unsolicited) advice...

If you are going to meet someone who loves to sail, your best bet is to meet them sailing! The idea of living on board a boat and the idea of a semi-nomadic liferstyle would be considered relatively perverse by most "normal" people. The sort of person who would consider such a thing is most likely to be found hanging around on or near sail boats. I met my partner on board a mutual friend's boat. Our friendship was cemented when I plucked up the courage to ask her if she would be interested in being a part of the crew for the 2000mile delivery trip for a boat that I was purchasing. My advice would be to get out there and go, and there is a fair chance that you will start to meet interesting & like-minded people as you go.
Hello Weyalan, and thanks for your response. (Not necessary to be a lady....)

I am sure you are right, but I do live around boats and yes, loads of people hang around them. In fact I feel I live in a nautical zoo. But I dont want a "wannabee" - I need someone who can actually do the business. I regrettably cannot handle the boat alone -or I would be out there. Glad you found your mate though - best of luck to you both. DM
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Old 07-14-2007, 01:15 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Therapy;9651' date='Jul 13 2007, 11:31 PM'
I am not a lady either and if I was not married with one son in college and another a year away I would be at the ticket counter by now!!!
Hello to you Therapy - (Are you a therapist? I ask because I am a holistic therapist and practise a little on the boat when I can).Your response is just about the story of my life. Best of luck. DM. [QUOTE=name='SeaVenture]I sent you a message,NormandieHi Normandie,Thanks. Will reply soon. My computer in unstable at the mo with a on/off internert connection. Trying to catch up with 52 emails NOW!!! Regards. DM
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Old 07-14-2007, 03:22 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by DaisyMae View Post
Hello Weyalan, and thanks for your response. (Not necessary to be a lady....)

I am sure you are right, but I do live around boats and yes, loads of people hang around them. In fact I feel I live in a nautical zoo. But I dont want a "wannabee" - I need someone who can actually do the business. I regrettably cannot handle the boat alone -or I would be out there. Glad you found your mate though - best of luck to you both. DM
DaisyMae,

I understand your desire for someone who already knows what he's doing, but wouldn't you prefer someone enthusiastic and ready to learn than no one at all? Also, most of the fellows I met out there who "can actually do the business" already had boats of their own, which brings you to the dilemma of Who's Boat? Just a thought. Years ago when I told my sailor/racer/mentor cousin that I my criteria for mate included "good sailor" he told me to leave that one out, because someone who really wanted to learn to sail could do so without too much difficulty, and, after all, I already had a boat. (I told him if that were the case, then the fellow would either have to go to a school to learn or he--my cousin--would have to teach the man, as the last time I'd tried to teach someone to drive a car, they'd plowed mine into a tree!)

I've read about two sailors, each with a boat, buddy-boating. And I've read about two sailors, each with a boat, deciding whose to keep. There are all sorts of solutions, but building a good working relationship where no one has control issues is most important when you have two skippers coming together.

Just a thought!

Blessings,

Normandie
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Old 07-14-2007, 03:46 PM   #9
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Hello to you Therapy - (Are you a therapist? I ask because I am a holistic therapist and practise a little on the boat when I can).Your response is just about the story of my life.
No therapist.

RN first assistant at surgery.

I am more task oritented and very orderly.

Psychology is a mystery to me and so are most humans.

I don't really get along with a lot of them. Not broad minded enough.

But it may be a pot/kettle issue???

Best of luck!
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Old 07-15-2007, 10:45 PM   #10
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Hello Weyalan, and thanks for your response. (Not necessary to be a lady....)

I am sure you are right, but I do live around boats and yes, loads of people hang around them. In fact I feel I live in a nautical zoo. But I dont want a "wannabee" - I need someone who can actually do the business. I regrettably cannot handle the boat alone -or I would be out there. Glad you found your mate though - best of luck to you both. DM
It may be unrealistic to expect to be able to find a "qualified & experienced yachtsman" who is also a competent engineer (what is a "gsoh", by the way?) especially if he also has to be potty trained and in posession of his own teeth and hair... The best ones will have a tendency to being already taken, and of the remainder, the competent ones will tend to have their own boats.

Personally, I think that provided you are sufficiently competent (and confident), your "first mate" merely needs to be reasonably intellegent, and a good learner, who doesn't mind learning from a female (it is a bit sad that, in this day and age, there are still a significant percentage of men who seem to have difficulty with being taught by a female). Really, with a large boat, which, as you point out, is very difficult to handle solo, the main difficulty is not being able to be in 2 places at once, so provided you are able to instruct clearly, a relatively inexperienced 2nd pair of hands makes handling the boat so much easier. I know that my partner and I have absolutely no problem in double handing my boat, even in difficult conditions (although we are both experienced), where I could really only motor sail by myself.

Your question about finances is a difficult one. I really depends on the levelof commitment between you and your partner. If you find a life-partner, then you really ought to be trusting enough to just completely share your combined assets and stop making anty distinction between what is his and what is yours, but, assuming that you haven't reached this happy state, then it becomes more tricky. Were I in your position, I would expect him to go 50/50 on everyday expenses (food, wine, deisel, oil, mooring fees, slipping fees, etc.) but, unless you could really see a long term future together, I would not expect him to pay for big-ticket items such as new sails or new equipment for the boat (i.e. things that would stay with you if you were to part company). I would expect him to pay for his own personal items & equipment (wet-weather gear, harness, etc).

Good luck in your search.
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Old 07-16-2007, 02:58 AM   #11
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Were I in your position, I would expect him to go 50/50 on everyday expenses (food, wine, deisel, oil, mooring fees, slipping fees, etc.) but, unless you could really see a long term future together, I would not expect him to pay for big-ticket items such as new sails or new equipment for the boat (i.e. things that would stay with you if you were to part company). I would expect him to pay for his own personal items & equipment (wet-weather gear, harness, etc).
Not in the "mate" searching market. Sure wish I was though. This sounds splendid!

I agree with the above but in regards to big ticket items one idea is what we do on our partnership. We throw "x' amount per month in the boat kitty. It has a cap (that we've never reached). If a partner opts out of the partnership the kitty money stays with the boat. This is for big ticket items that eventually need to be replaced. Basically this is pay as you go.

If I were joing this "partnership" I shouldn't expect to live "rent free" and would be happy to pay my share of the "rent."
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Old 07-17-2007, 12:43 PM   #12
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Hi DaisyMae,

It might help if we knew what type of boat? Because there are easy to learn and handle 45 footers, like say a Hunter or Bavaria, and then there are 45 foot gaff rigged schooners with squaresails on the fore and no winches...... Also, what country are you in? You will have a better chance at finding a "mate" If you lived in England for instance, than in Liechtenstein.
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