Go Back   Cruiser Log World Cruising & Sailing Forums > Cruising Forums > The Poop Deck
Cruiser Wiki Click Here to Login

Join Cruiser Log Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 09-08-2016, 11:18 PM   #71
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Home Port: Royston
Posts: 54
Default

A redneck was stopped by a cop for dangerous driving.
The cop asked
"Do you have any ID".
The redneck said
"About what?"
__________________

__________________
Brent Swain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-08-2016, 11:25 PM   #72
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Home Port: Royston
Posts: 54
Default

A guy, walking home on a dark, moonless, foggy night, was stopped by a hooker, who said "$20 for a roll in the bushes?"
He said " That sounds cheap enough, lets do it."
A little while later, a cop came by, shone his light on them, and asked
" What are you doing in there?"
The guy said
"I am making love to my wife."
The cop said
"I'm sorry .I didn't know."
The guy said
"Neither did I, until you shone your light on her."
__________________

__________________
Brent Swain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-08-2016, 11:36 PM   #73
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Home Port: Royston
Posts: 54
Default

An old couple had been very careful all their lives. They ate strictly organic food, and exercised regularly, keeping in top shape, and very healthy.
In their late 90s ,both were killed in a car crash.
When they got to the pearly gates, the old guy looked behind St Peter, and saw a beautiful 18 hole golf course. He asked
"What does it cost to golf there."
St Peter replied
" Nothing. You can golf here every day for eternity, and we supply the best of equipment ,all free. You are in paradise now !"
He asked
" What do you have to eat."
St Peter said
"We have hamburgers, steaks, cake, pastries, ice cream, you name it."
The old guy asked
"Wont that ruin your health?"
St Peter said
'No. Her you can eat whatever you want, as much as you want , for eternity, and you will stay in perfect health. You are in paradise now!"
The old guy turned to his wife and said
" If it wasn't for you and your damned bran flakes, we could have been here 30 years ago !"
__________________
Brent Swain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-08-2016, 11:40 PM   #74
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Home Port: Royston
Posts: 54
Default

True story
A fat lady got stuck in a toilet. Her friends called 911, and gave her a cowboy hat to cover her modesty with .
When the paramedic walked in, she asked
" Mister can you help me?"
He looked at the fat lady with a cowboy hat in her lap, and replied
" Yes mam, I can help you , but the cowboy is a gonner!"
__________________
Brent Swain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2016, 02:59 AM
AnaLog
This message has been deleted by redbopeep.
Old 09-09-2016, 03:05 AM
AnaLog
This message has been deleted by redbopeep.
Old 09-13-2016, 12:23 AM
AnaLog
This message has been deleted by redbopeep.
Old 09-13-2016, 02:14 PM   #75
GOF
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Home Port: Mandurah
Vessel Name: Stand Easy and now Eleuthera as well
Posts: 83
Default

Aha
__________________
Oldsquizzy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2016, 12:23 AM
AnaLog
This message has been deleted by redbopeep.
Old 09-14-2016, 12:34 AM
AnaLog
This message has been deleted by redbopeep.
Old 09-14-2016, 12:43 AM
AnaLog
This message has been deleted by redbopeep.
Old 09-20-2016, 02:08 PM
AnaLog
This message has been deleted by redbopeep.
Old 09-20-2016, 02:41 PM   #76
GOF
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Home Port: Mandurah
Vessel Name: Stand Easy and now Eleuthera as well
Posts: 83
Default

Dreaming girl, thrown, poured or crawled.......but walked .....nah
__________________
Oldsquizzy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2016, 10:30 PM
AnaLog
This message has been deleted by redbopeep.
Old 09-23-2016, 08:49 PM   #77
Admiral
 
haiqu's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Home Port: Sydney
Vessel Name: Keppelena & Shenoa
Posts: 1,401
Default

So ... Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar and the barman says, "Why the long face?"
__________________
"The cure for anything is salt water... sweat, tears, or the sea" -- Isak Dinesen

I've Contributed to the Cruisers Wiki: All sections
haiqu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2016, 03:49 PM   #78
Admiral
 
Auzzee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Home Port: Darwin
Vessel Name: Sandettie
Posts: 1,746
Default

The following is a true story with no embellishments. It happened in Charleston, South Carolina, at a large, national coffee store chain, of which there are many here in the USA.

Me: Hi, I would like a large cup of coffee please.
Server: What size?
Me: Well… um… large.
Server: So..grande!
Me: Is that large?
Server now realises I am stupid and going for the visual clues, picks up a large paper cup which she displays for me along with the spoken word, “GRANDE”.
Me: Sorry, my Spanish is a little rusty.
Server: Scuse me?
Me: Never mind. I’ll have one of those.
Server: What flavour?
Me: Um…do you have coffee?
Server: Yes (with a hint of exasperation), of course, but what flavour.
Me: Do you have coffee flavour?
Server: (With an almost imperceptible rolling of the eyes) Are you English?
Me: No, I am a thirsty Australian and I may well expire if I am not fed coffee very shortly.
Server: (And this is no bulls**t) “Okay, so…what flavour?
Me: (Now I am thinking of the Albatross sketch from Monty Python*) I know you are going to find this odd, but please may I have a coffee flavoured coffee, in a large cup.
Server: So grande...no flavour.......
Me: Si.
Server: Huh?
Me: Coffee flavoured coffee in a grande cup will be fine.
Server: (Brightly) Okay…what’s your first name?
Me: Dave.
Server: Dive?
Me: No…D-a-v-e…Dave (spoken with a fake American accent)
Server: You Australians are funny.

*Albatros bloody, bleeding, bloody flavour.
__________________
"if at first you don't succeed....Redefine success"!


Auzzee is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2016, 03:55 AM   #79
Admiral
 
Auzzee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Home Port: Darwin
Vessel Name: Sandettie
Posts: 1,746
Default

14054225_949488728510785_6488545274316494183_n.jpg
__________________
"if at first you don't succeed....Redefine success"!


Auzzee is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2016, 11:54 AM   #80
Moderator
 
delatbabel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 695
Send a message via AIM to delatbabel
Default

EVERY Limerick that has ever been written:

A person X from place B
Who satisfied predicate P
Took action A
In a particular way
Resulting in circumstance C
__________________
= New South Wales, Queensland,
delatbabel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2016, 11:56 AM   #81
Moderator
 
delatbabel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 695
Send a message via AIM to delatbabel
Default

OK you started me on limericks. This is your fault.

There once was a poet from Ealing
Whose limericks were never appealing
The second last line
Would turn out just fine
But the last one always tended to be just a little bit of a disaster
__________________
= New South Wales, Queensland,
delatbabel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2016, 11:57 AM   #82
Moderator
 
delatbabel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 695
Send a message via AIM to delatbabel
Default

There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks all stopped at line two
__________________
= New South Wales, Queensland,
delatbabel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2016, 11:57 AM   #83
Moderator
 
delatbabel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 695
Send a message via AIM to delatbabel
Default

There was a young man from Verdun
__________________
= New South Wales, Queensland,
delatbabel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-20-2016, 08:34 PM   #84
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: May 2005
Home Port: Cape Town
Posts: 80
Default

Auzzee, that must be another branch of a coffee emporium I went to in Miami a number of years ago - you know, the one that thinks they are stars with some venison thrown into the name. The server I spoke to had a strong Spanish accent.

Me: Hi, can I have a large mocca-Java.
Server: Wat dat?
Me: A large mocca-Java.
Server: Yeh, wat a mocca-Java?
Me: A type of coffee.
Server: Naa, we only serve foreign coffee.
Me: Okay, then just a filter coffee, large.
Server: Wat size?
Me: err, large.
Server: Nope, only have small, medium and grande.
Me: Make it a grande.
Server: We no do chocolate.
Me: What are you talking about - I don't want chocolate, just coffee.
Server: Then why you ask for chocolate?
Me: I haven't.
Server: Where you from.
Me: Africa
Server: You taking the piss out a me?
Me: Excuse me, what are you talking about?
Server: You talk s&@t - you ain't black.
Me: Nope, ain't black . . Now can I have my coffee?
Server: Piss off or I call the police.
Me: I think you had better call the manager.
Server: I is the manager!

Well, I "pissed off" and have never been back to one of those coffee emporiums again.
__________________

__________________
The Delivery Guy - Now retired after sailing over 400,000 nm
JohnT is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

« Take a challenge | - »

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

RV & Travel Trailer Communities

Our RV & Travel Trailer sites encompasses virtually all types of Recreational Vehicles, from brand-specific to general RV communities.

» More about our RV Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:55 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0