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Old 04-07-2010, 01:15 AM   #1
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Hi all

After some opinions.

Annette and I have been talking about getting our business to the stage where they don't need us so much and doing some cruising. Now our daughter is with child and expecting just before christmas Annette has naturally saying she would like to put off for a couple of years to see the child grow up. So, I found a marina for sale with very established and successful chandlery and mechanical service connected. I am after pros and cons for my arguement that by buying this business we could have the best of all worlds.

Your thoughts please.

Cheers

Rob & Annette

S/V Blue Lady
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Old 04-07-2010, 05:03 AM   #2
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Oh, my.

If you have the business acumen to evaluate the business for what it is (history of profitability and future prospects) and you know enough about the marine industry to continue running the business successfully it sounds like an interesting opportunity...and opportunities are...opportunities. We've done a lot of unexpected things in life because unexpected opportunities came along.

On the other hand, though I don't know what your other business is, I take it that is isn't something that you'd like to expand on or change/duplicate? If you plan to not go cruising but rather to stay close to family, then certainly sticking with your current successes can make the most sense.

A lot of people can't break away from friends, family, garden, house, or lifestyle to start their cruising life. Things happen and change goals and directions all the time. Only you two can make the decision of what is best for you together.

Many people, here on Cruiser Log and elsewhere have a definition of what cruising is. A lot of these notions involve sailing "away" from work and responsiblities and "to adventure" in exotic locations. Sitting on beaches and drinking Margaritas often play an important role in many of these sailing away and cruising dreams. When David and I became interested in living aboard and voyaging by sail, we did not have preconceived ideas regarding the matter. In 1982, we were only 19 and 21 at the time we were married and dreaming about sailboats and voyaging. The only preconceived idea that we had was that by the time we were married 25 years, we'd be living aboard and voyaging by sail. We didn't know if we'd still be working or what we'd be doing but we knew we wanted to begin a sailing life before we were "old and gray" and couldn't physically manage a different lifestyle that would be unfamiliar to us.

Well, following through on those early goals we turned our lives upside down in 2006, put our business on hold, sold the house...generally changed EVERYTHING to buy and re-build a boat that we now live aboard (moved aboard in the boatyard 8/2008 and relaunched 4/2009) and are beginning our voyaging life. At the same time as we head north to the Pacific Northwest for some cruising, we are also arranging with former business colleagues to engage in business endeavors while we live aboard and voyage. We'll be trying to marry up our love of technology with living aboard and voyaging. Who knows if it will work as we want, maybe it will, maybe it won't. Certainly we know that now that our love of technology and being engaged in intellectually exciting things is something that won't be changing and that we should continue to be involved in projects that we find fulfilling.

And, your situation? What is important to you guys? Can you find a way to accommodate being close for family and cruising? How close is close enough? Can you live aboard and do fairly local trips with your boat in a fulfilling way?

I've taken you down a different path with my answer. Good luck in defining what is going to work for your situation
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Old 04-07-2010, 05:04 AM   #3
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How far is the for-sale marina from where your grandchild will be? How far away do you live from your daughter now?
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Old 04-08-2010, 05:43 AM   #4
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The marina is about 5 hours from where we currently live and our daughter, way to close. was across the road but now is about 30 minutes away.

Our current business works with the aged and disabled and quite frankly Brenda, it takes to much out of us. We have good staff there so we play very little hands on.

I know business reasonably well and this business is very turnkey in its set up. which suits me well. The manager of the chandlery and mechanical service centre is a very professional and experienced player. He admitted he would like to buy but is financially unable.

Its a fabulous location and with our existing business would not be too far away at all.

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Old 04-08-2010, 06:32 AM   #5
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What about my question of living aboard and cruising locally or taking a month or two off here and there? Has you basic goal/dream changed such that you don't wish to live aboard OR cruise? Can chartering in exotic locations fulfill your dreams of sailing?
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Old 04-09-2010, 10:14 AM   #6
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I would happily Brenda, but Annette now wants the space for grand kids. i don't want to fly and charter as we have a bloody marvelous boat.
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Old 04-09-2010, 10:58 AM   #7
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Rob, have a read of "Men are from Mars etc................ Women are .... """

Go off by your self - have Annette visit.

Richard
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Old 04-09-2010, 04:32 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MMNETSEA' date='09 April 2010 - 03:58 AM View Post

Rob, have a read of "Men are from Mars etc................ Women are .... """

Go off by your self - have Annette visit.

Richard
Sadly, Richard, this is the solution for many couples. I find it unfortunate and more than a little bit irritating that (in the USA) our society places huge importance (and pressure) on women for the happy home and family. We have particular social norms that women pay attention to/embrace/follow...much more closely than men because the pressures are largely on the women in this arena.

So, when it comes time to fulfill the dream of cruising, the guy can feel very comfortable dropping the trappings of society but the woman has a harder time.

A man can be patted on the back and congratulated for setting off for some "adventure" while our society rewards a woman who wants a voyaging lifestyle with questions "what about the grand kids?" "what about your (home based) hobbies?" "is it safe?"

Even the statements (whether true or not) about how blue water sailing is roughing it/ risky/whatever are looked on as worthwhile challenges for men but irresponsible foolishness for women.

It does make me steam to see the same scenario play out for so many couples--"adventure" and excitement for the guy, worry and trepidation for the woman.

I'll get off this soapbox..

When Rob says "but Annette wants the space for grandkids" on the boat...I think Annette might need to read some of the books and blogs detailing how LITTLE space that families with children can get by with. It's not like the grandkids are going to be cruising with the grandparents all the time is it? For example, pick up a copy of Into the Light by Dave and Jaja Martin. They talk about having children while living aboard sub-30 ft cruising boats and then moving up to a spacious 33 ft boat with 3 children and doing northern latitude cruising (including in the winter!) in that boat with a family of five. Their story was also made into a PBS special Ice Blink which is available on DVD but the video doesn't really tell the story, it is more a "look back" on what they did and why they did it while raising their family.
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Old 04-10-2010, 05:32 AM   #9
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Brenda, you are quite right, The question of grandparents needs regarding their obligations towards their grandchildren must be hard to put into one box - every nuclear family with its own characteristics - In a way the analogy to the differences between Man and Woman is relevant.

I think I was looking at a compromise - One party to go off sailing and the other having quality time with grand children - providing that each can cruise together at other times.

Richard
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Old 04-10-2010, 01:15 PM   #10
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I believe in compromise, but a compromise where one partner goes cruising and the other stays home doesn't sound like a compromise to me. What's the fun of cruising alone, without anyone to share the experience? Whose grandchildren are they, just Annette's? And what kind of message is sent to the children when one grandparent is present but their partner is not?

Compromises can be found, I'm sure, but either/or is not, IMO, a compromise.

Our grandsons live in Denmark and visit the US once a year. That's a pretty intense visit situation for them, but they seem to be thriving on the adventure and attention that they receive. Telephone communication is a cheap way to keep in touch in between their visits to the US and when we can't visit them. This is not the perfect situation, and quite different from my childhood when both sets of grandparents were only a few miles away from us. However, it works for us.

I think that what Annette wants is to keep the house so that there is a place for the grandchildren to play and stay. Is it possible for you to keep the house and still go cruising, Rob? How much visiting with grandchild(ren) be acceptable to Annette? Would moving 5 hours away from them be any more convenient than cruising in more distant grounds with periodic swooping visits?

Australia is big enough that I think that maybe you could try different options over the first year or two when the baby is still a baby and see what will be acceptable for everyone. Not perfect, perhaps, but acceptable.
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Old 04-10-2010, 01:37 PM   #11
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Jeanne,

What would you suggest in Rob and Annette's scenario, would be a workable compromise?

Richard
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Old 04-10-2010, 03:16 PM   #12
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My opinion - for what it's worth.

After your children have left home to carry on with their lives, do not uproot or change your own lifestyle or dreams to follow the paths that your children (with your grandchildren) take. Their lives and movements change, for various reasons, sometimes very quickly. Accept that they can move on and possibly move very far away at a moment's notice. If/when they move away, do you follow them again? Keep following them?

Live your own lives and cherish those times that you can be with your children and grandchildren - wherever they are. Be with each other for the rest of your lives - and be happy with the life that you share - together.
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Old 04-10-2010, 11:08 PM   #13
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Not knowing anything about Rob and Annette's family and lifestyle, I don't feel capable of suggesting a workable compromise, but I do believe that for Rob to go cruising while Annette stays home is not a compromise at all.

A similar question was asked on another forum several years ago, and I would like to reproduce an edited version of the conversation here.

The question: "I am 62 years old, getting tired of work and ready to retire, but my wife wants to work for another 5+ years. Sounds like a real domestic crisis doesn't it? Our relationship is strong, but she wants to work and enjoy the good life here in SoCal [US] but I am tired of work and don't know what I would do as the stay at home spouse. Sailing has been my passion over the years so maybe we will live separate lives for several years and I will cruise alone.

I am considering retiring, leaving my wife to work and moving on board a boat and cruising the same territory as before for several years, but as a singlehander.

So, I am posting this rather personal message to solicit your thoughts on this venture. What are the issues with single hand liveaboard cruising? Some that come to mind are anchoring and retrieving the anchor, long overnight passages singlehanded, etc."


And my response: "Sharing.

A very nice single-handed fellow we met many years ago in American Samoa said that what he did not enjoy about single handed cruising was the loneliness, nobody to share the wonder, beauty, and experiences encountered on his passages and landfalls.

Another West Coast [US] fellow we met in Malaysia had thought that he could enjoy his cruising without his wife by asking friends to join him for various legs of his proposed circumnavigation. His wife, like yours, was about ten years younger than him and enjoyed her job too much to give it up. He sold the boat in Malaysia.

I thought it was a bit too personal a question to ask the fellow, but I wondered if his wife felt abandoned by him. I'm quite sure that I would. This isn't about needing a companion, but rather finding life is more enjoyable with a companion to share it with.

You might find you don't have a wife to come back to. You should probably consider this possibility and decide if that's what you are willing to live with. You also might find that cruising alone is not as much fun as you expected, but by the time you decided to "go home" there was no welcoming hearth to go home to. A good marriage can take a lot of hits, but neglect of the union is not an easy one to survive."



The cruising couples on that board almost unanimously seconded my comments.

I second Lighthouse's suggestion.
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Old 04-11-2010, 04:02 AM   #14
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I agree wholeheartedly with Lighthouse's post.

When two people come together and marry, they go through many things together. Having someone to share everything with is a wonderful blessing. Times apart are difficult for two people in love and who want to share their life together. David was in the US Navy on a carrier; we spent way too much time apart during those years. Children grow up and (usually) move away before or after starting their own families. Few families manage to keep everyone close by.

Regarding "5 hours" ... that's a magic number for me...I thought it would seem "very close" but it's not. When my father was getting into his mid-70's with failing health, David and I found a way to transfer with our jobs from Japan (very far!) to Washington DC, a location 5 hours drive from Dad's home, so we could be close and visit. Even so, we only managed to visit with him 4 or 5 times each year until he passed away 6 years after we moved "close". We found 5 hours drive away to allow us to be much better about finding time for visits than the 1 visit per 2 years that we'd done for the prior decade, but still, we found 5 hours to be quite a drive. We occasionally rented a small plane and flew the 3 hours to get there as David was trying to keep up his flight status and it gave us an excuse to rent a plane. Even so, we sill only saw Dad 4 or 5 times each year. 5 hours is still quite a ways away.
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