Go Back   Cruiser Log World Cruising & Sailing Forums > Cruiserlog's Yacht Club > The Tavern | Welcome Aboard
Cruiser Wiki

Join Cruiser Log Today

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 09-15-2008, 12:16 AM   #1
Ensign
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 4
Default

Hi, I'm Isabella, world traveller, adventurer. When in Australia I placed an add here to be contacted by a guy whom I sailed with for 3 months, quitting in Singapore after things got worse and worse cause he said he had fallen in love with me and couldn't do anything about it (in my add I said very clearly "I'm not looking for love").

This summer I flew to Alaska to join what seemed a great project of a so called "photographer" to discover he's a pathologic liar, insecure, abusive and agressive. I quit after 2 months (I was there for the project, filming and photographing wildlife and nature, but he was too much) and found a job steering a fishing boat, and had the greatest time ever, and met the nicest people you can imagine.

I'm an easy going person, my philosophy is to respect others and learn from everything, I'm open minded, I make friends easily, love talking about many different subjects, have many friends around the world, good vibes...

What I don't understand is how such immature people can involve other people in projects they know it's not going to work, or because they are such liars they lie to themselves thinking it's not their problem. Well, I always thought we are responsible for our acts, especially those who involve other people apart from us.

I love this website and I thank so much that Cruiserlog exists. I just had bad luck twice. The problem now is I feel a bit negative about answering any posts of men alone on a boat looking for crew, and it's a pity because I have a passion for the seas that I like to share.

After a bad experience comes a good one, and life is a lesson. I'm happy I'm growing up, learning and sharing. Good luck and fair winds!
__________________

__________________
Isabella is offline  
Old 09-15-2008, 04:57 AM   #2
Admiral
 
Nausikaa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 1,619
Default

Thanks for sharing your experiences with us Isabella.

You highlight a dilema which we Mods have discussed amongst ourselves. On occasions we get ads which are unsvoury and we delete them directly. Sometimes we see an ad from a person looking for crew and think that there may be an ulterior motive behind it but cannot be certain. As long as there is a reasonable element of doubt then we have to let it go. We are not here as censours. Most ads are above board. What happens later is not something Cruiser Log has any influence over.

However, I fully understand that you now are reluctant to answer ads from men who are alone on a boat and are looking for crew. In fact, I would advise everyone to exhibit a reasonable proportion of caution.

What it boils down to is that there will always be occasions where men or women make unwelcome advances. Ashore that is usually not a problem. At sea or in any other confined or remote environment it can well become a major problem but it is not one we can really tackle from here other than to again advise caution. I am sorry for your two bad experiences but pleased that they were followed by a positive one. Thanks also for the positive words about Cruiser Log.

I hope that you have many more fine experiences at sea and that the two events you describe have not tainted your desire to sail.

Aye // Stephen
__________________

__________________
Yacht NAUSIKAA | Call Sign: 2AJH2




WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU DID SOMETHING FOR THE FIRST TIME?

www.nausikaa.org.uk

= Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Lithuania
Nausikaa is offline  
Old 09-16-2008, 03:43 AM   #3
tel
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 48
Default

Hi Isabella.....oh dear, you have clearly had two dreadful experiences. I empathise with you, at least on the first count. Fancy that toady falling in love with you. They just can't help themselves. Happens to me all the time. Pathetic things. I just cut em loose and send em off on their way. Dust myself off, and off to the next adventure. As far as the film-making ratbag goes, well the world has its fair share of cranks. I also come across them all the time. I, like you, find they're best avoided and left to their own haphazard and erratic courses. The thing is though, that both of these experiences are part of the travel/adventure package. There's a theory that when telling travel stories, we pick out the horrors to amaze the audience. The good stuff (sunny days/lovely people/fair winds) just don't cut the mustard as a good travel story. And in the end, the bad bits, combined with the good bits, add up to experience of life and people and that's all good in the long run. Regards....Tel
__________________
tel is offline  
Old 09-17-2008, 02:51 AM   #4
Moderator
 
redbopeep's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Home Port: Washington DC
Vessel Name: SV Mahdee
Posts: 3,185
Default

Hi, Isabella,

Welcome to the Cruiser Log

I am empathetic to your situation as you've described it. Unfortunately, we girls do find those inappropriate advances made at the most...well...inappropriate times/places. I don't hear men complaining--but perhaps it is only because they're not comfortable admitting that they had such inappropriate advances. I can suggest that you ask for references should you find the opportunity to crew for someone again. Further, I suggest you try to find "adventure" on a boat where there will be more than just two people aboard or with a family, etc.

Fair winds,

Brenda
__________________
"Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda

What we're doing - The sailing life aboard and the Schooner Chandlery.

redbopeep is offline  
Old 09-17-2008, 04:41 AM   #5
Ensign
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 4
Default

Hi everybody, thank you all for your support! Yes, I had 2 bad experiences but I'm happy I handled the situation well enough to talk about it -I mean I was never physically abused and I was patience to the limit in order to not to loose my temper, to be polite to the end, thinking that other people's sh&one&t wouldn't affect me (but it does affect)- and I've learned a lot from them and from myself. It is, though, some kind of school I don't need anymore.

I try to get the best of everything, to see the positive part, and that is what I share with my friends through my photos and writings. I would never try to bore them with sad stories of incompetent men. I truly believe that what goes around comes around and these two men I met already have a sad life because they don't know how to appreciate the good things, they don't know how to share, they are not capable to look at themselves and try to make a little change, they are these kind of people who always blame somebody else. Well, I don't try to give anybody a lesson, it's up to them if they see it or not.

I'm responsible for joining those projects, and I know Cruiserlog can't do anything about it. Of course Cruiserlog can't do anything, and I would never try to blame them for anything, on the opposite, I just thank this website for existing, and it helps many, many people, and it's a wonderful web, again I say that I'm really happy with it, and there is no possible way of knowing if somebody is being honest or not. It's up to us, to the people who contact those adds, to make the final decision. It is just sad to be on a boat -which you know it's nothing to do with a job on land, just you and the guy, and water around you- with a guy who is not respecting his words, or acts totally opposite as what he told you.

I just want to advise people, specially women, about other people who are not what they say they are. And if you are in a bad situation, feel strong enough to go through it, don't feel down just because some frustrated chauvinist wants you to.

Best regards Nausikaa (where from in Spain?), Tel (hi there brave aussie, love your country!) and Brenda (yes, I was already thinking of a mature and happily married couple, maybe I'll find them one of these days).
__________________
Isabella is offline  
Old 09-17-2008, 05:24 AM   #6
Admiral
 
Nausikaa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 1,619
Default

Thanks again Isabella for your kind words re Cruiser Log.

I was not suggesting that you were in any way blaming CL for your experiences, just pointing out that we are aware that this kind of thing can happen and do our best to avoid it. I am not giving any big secret away by letting you know that CL intends, within a week or two, to publish a "check list" for crew members. This will primarily be directed to those who have little or no sailing experience. It will include checking out not just the boat but the skipper too.

You ask "where from in Spain?" Well, I am sailing under a false flag in a way. I am not from Spain but from Sweden and the observant CL member who has been arround here for a few years will have noticed that my address has changed from South Africa to Yemen, to Belgium and now Spain. I moved here, to Vigo, a few short months ago when the organisation I work for relocated from Brussels. As for Vigo, I love the place.

I note that you state that you are from Canada/Spain. Well, if you are ever in Galicia let me know.

Aye // Stephen
__________________
Yacht NAUSIKAA | Call Sign: 2AJH2




WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU DID SOMETHING FOR THE FIRST TIME?

www.nausikaa.org.uk

= Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Lithuania
Nausikaa is offline  
Old 09-17-2008, 06:12 PM   #7
Rear Admiral
 
imagine2frolic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 396
Default

Isabella,

Sorry to hear about your experiences. I don't know your age, and I am not asking for it either. I would think by the time a younglady leaves high school. They would already know that most men can be scoundrels. You know the saying about the small brain.....WELL, BEST WISHES in finding a good healthy next adventure.

I have to admit that finding a woman with your courage to venture out could be amost attractive attribute. Possibly you should dust it off as suggested, and take it as a compliment?
__________________
imagine2frolic is offline  
Old 09-17-2008, 08:22 PM   #8
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 78
Talking

I too am sorry for your luck or lack there of in finding a decent crew to sail with. I would suggest taking more time to "get to know" the person you will be trusting your life to before casting off the dock lines. I would personally like to thank those "knuckleheads" you encountered for making it even harder for someone like me to find a cruising partner for my future "adventure". One of the reasons I have decided to plan on going solo or not at all. Guys like the ones you've encountered make guys like me appear to be "perverts" just because I'd prefer sailing with a female crew or none at all. I simply like female company, what can I say, I am a man?

I hope your next adventure turns out for the better, keep learning and apply what you learn to your future decisions. Keep your head up, it sounds like you definitely have the right "tude". Eventually you will get on a great boat with a great crew...Good Luck and Welcome.

This site is really full of awesome well educated cruisers that will give the right advise when it come to these things. Tight Sails, Steve
__________________
For the truth is that I already know as much about my fate as I need to know. The day will come when I will die. So the only matter of consequence before me is what I will do with my alloted time. I can remain on shore, paralyzed with fear, or I can raise my sails and dip and soar in the breeze.

- RICHARD BODE
islandseeker is offline  
Old 02-05-2009, 12:17 AM   #9
Ensign
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 4
Default

Remember there are two sides to each story. I am the captain from the second experience. I did ask her to make preparations to leave the boat when we reached Sitka, Ak. She jumped ship in Pelican. I would not consider myself a liar and was more than patient with her. I tried to overlook her partying which she said she didn't need to do. I tried to keep her involved with the daily aspects of the boat but found she was very strong headed and I could see she thought she could captain the boat. Truthfully, I do not think she could.

That said, I will agree that not every personality will work on a boat and sometimes due to confined space, the worse the fit the quicker it comes to light. We were not a good fit what so ever. In Pelican, I met another girl who finished the rest of the season with me and we didn't have any major problems and we even discussed continuing past the intended final day.

It is ashame that I come here to see that Isabella only continues to hold annomosity towards everything she experiences. Many who got to know us along the way pointed out somethings that they noted when they met her as they tried to expalin her behavior. I talked with a lot of captains about what they would do with the situation I felt I was in. Most said I had been very patient and that they would have actually been more firm. The "I am the Captain and you do as I say" routine. I tried to be more flexible.

I won't come here to continue to discuss this experience. I just wanted to remind all there is two sides. While Isabella may have paid for the flight to Seattle from Spain, I picked up the tab for everything else that I could. I was met with a list of demands that she wanted that I was unaware of prior to meeting but after agreeing that she would go. Things she wanted on board the ship. I bent over backwards and really felt let down, and was amazed how political she felt and how outspoken she believed she could be in her views about America. Yes - the whole thing was a disaster.

I will say we did email and even converse over the phone as a kinda of interview process. And we each had high hopes for meeting and working through a great summer thanks in part to this site.

I cannot say anything is bullet proof. We are human and sometimes quickly show just how human we can be and yet we push on and continue to experience life. I am again prepping for this season in Alaska. I may use this site again but am undecided. I do wish all a bon voyage...
__________________
kayakingbear is offline  
Old 02-05-2009, 12:47 AM   #10
Moderator
 
redbopeep's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Home Port: Washington DC
Vessel Name: SV Mahdee
Posts: 3,185
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kayakingbear View Post
Remember there are two sides to each story.
Thank you for coming here and sharing your insights from the unsuccessful experience you shared with Isabella. You're right that there are two sides to each story--and especially right that when you put the WRONG two people together sometimes its just a miserable experience for both.

This doesn't mean that you won't go on to have great shared experiences with others you find via crew finders such as ours. I imagine that you learned a lot from your less than successful experience with Isabella (and she from the experience with you) and that you will apply what you learned to interviewing and communicating up front with future crews. Perhaps some things that you might have though were clear and "obvious" and didn't need to be stated...you now can clearly lay out up front for potential crew so there are no questions or disappointments about actual conditions and expectations.

Best of luck with your future travels, we hope that all goes well and that you will share your experiences good-and-bad with us here on the Cruiser Log for all to learn from.

Fair winds,

Brenda
__________________
"Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda

What we're doing - The sailing life aboard and the Schooner Chandlery.

redbopeep is offline  
Old 02-06-2009, 04:38 PM   #11
Ensign
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 4
Default

With my post my intention was to talk about my feelings and give some advice, after my experiences, about being careful before embarking on an adventure, even if it seems the dream of your life. I don't mention any time the name, email or even the dates of the posts of the two men I mention because my post was not about a personal revenge or anything closer to that, but, as I said, an advice to crewmembers to be sure where they are enroling to... Now that I've been mentioned personally I feel with the obligation to specify certain things:

1- Everything I say I can prove it with facts, I don't do cheap talking -as I would never shout or insult anybody who joins my project.

2- When I decide to quit a boat in the middle of nowhere -a little community called Pelican where I knew nobody, with little money and of course not getting paid and not asking for, cause clearly said in his add "I will tip if you stay the 6 months"- as I say, when I decide to quit in those conditions, it is for a very serious reason, when I feel my integrity is in danger after the third time this guy starts shouting at me at 2 centimeters from my face, uncontrolled and very aggressive, like he's done before, just because I suggest that what we are photographing -some old ruins- could not be a house, as he says. Another time it was because I asked for respect after he called me dumb and ignorant. Very serious things that could, and now I think should, have ended up in court. It is the only way to show an abbusive man what is wrong.

3- I have the right to give my opinion about what I think about America and about the government and the exterior politics at that time because we live in a free country and because I wouldn't talk about a subject if I didn't have any information, but luckily I'm a person who is interested in many things and do some researches. And I say now thanks Obama! -and that is only my opinion, as I respect others. RESPECT.

4- If I cannot captain a 27 ft. boat I don't know how I managed to captain all the sailboats i've been in, and specially the 48 ft. boat I steared for almost two months after I quit his boat. And I have to say that the owner is asking me to go back this year and work for him again. A boat I steared some days under terrible conditions of fog, rain, bad seas, I crossed the two Innian Passages many times... How could I do that, eh? Let me add the owner is a great person, thanks Chet!!!

5-Yes I know after me there was another woman -why does he always choose women? does he still believe we are weaker? and he says everything went ok, maybe he's found his match, pity she can't join him this year cause she has problems with the justice there in Alaska -and I know all about the case: alcohol and a minor involved... anyway, yes, good match!

6- I find myself ridiculous when I have to mention that my demands were having breakfast -and I ended up paying for my coffee, my muesly and my chocolate bars, and oh! I had to stand his bad temper when I bought 7 cans of cheap beans cause he said that wasn't in his plans -and the plans were dehidrated food every single day for two months, and that is what we had. Apart from all the bad personal comments I had to go through, I had to hear.

I take my jobs serious, even if I don't get paid. I have risked my life filming for this guy in glaciers that were capping by us, close to bears, under extreme conditions and I don't care because I can handle that. I liked the project and was there to collaborate, I flew from far away to join this project and day after day I realise his personal problems were above the project, his lies were bigger every day, his pathologic way of blaming other people 100%of the times... There are many begginners who call themselves "captains" and when your life is under their hands it is not fair at all. ALL I WANT NOW IS MY TERABYTE WITH EVERYTHING I FILMED AND MY PHOTOS, AS WE AGREED AND I HAVE IT WRITTEN AND SIGNED, BUT NOW HE SAYS HE WONT GIVE ME THE FILMING CAUSE OF THIS POST, AN ACT THAT ONLY CORROBORATES THE KIND OF PERSON HE IS.

Sorry for this post, I don't want to use Cruiserlog as a battleground for this case, but I felt I had to specify some things, cause as I said in my first post, and that is what is all about: YOU CANNOT TRUST EVERYBODY. AND WOMEN: DON'T EVER LET A CHOVINIST TRY TO PUT YOU DOWN, NEVER. BUT I WANT TO ADD THAT THE DECISION WAS MINE AND ONLY MINE, MY RESPONSABILITY, ALWAYS.

HAPPY TO BE WHO i AM AND TO HAVE ALL THE WONDERFUL FRIENDS i HAVE AND MEET ALL THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE I MEET ON MY WAY, I'VE JUST COME BACK FROM A GREAT ADVENTURE THAT TOOK ME TWO MONTHS TO THE PHILIPPINES, SORRY FOR NOT ANSWERING EMAILS BEFORE, NOW THAT I'M BACK HOME I WILL HAVE TIME, AFTER I PREPARE MY EXHIBITION AND THE ARTICLE I'M WRITING -ABOUT COCKFIGHTING IN THE PHILIPPINES- I WILL GET IN TOUCH WITH ALL OF YOU. THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND SORRY FOR THE LONG POST -I COULD WRITE A WHOLE BOOK AND AN ESSAY OF PSICHOLOGY!!! FAIR WINDS, MY FRIENDS.
__________________
Isabella is offline  
Old 02-06-2009, 04:50 PM   #12
Ensign
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 4
Default

I JUST FORGOT TO ADD THIS IN MY POST, IT IS A VERY TRUE SENTENCE WE SAY IN SPAIN: "YOU'LL CATCH FASTER A LIAR THAN A LAME PERSON"
__________________
Isabella is offline  
Old 02-06-2009, 05:53 PM   #13
Retired Mod
 
Lighthouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Home Port: Durban
Posts: 2,984
Default

It is my considered opinion that this topic cannot be steered into anything constructive. I request that the two members concerned discuss this issue by other means and return here to participate in cruising discussions and share positive input. Thank you for everyone's participation.

Topic closed!
__________________

__________________


The World Cruising & Sailing Wiki

Help to build this free, online World Cruising Guide.

"Built by cruisers, for cruisers''

I've Contributed to the Cruisers Wiki: Most sections
Lighthouse is offline  
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Men... Or Women.... At The Helm JeanneP General Cruising Forum 5 04-18-2007 04:16 PM

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

RV & Travel Trailer Communities

Our RV & Travel Trailer sites encompasses virtually all types of Recreational Vehicles, from brand-specific to general RV communities.

» More about our RV Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:44 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0