I compare a cruising couple which functions as "Unequal Partners", to a solo sailor with a companion, sligthly more useful, than an anchor without a chain.
Jeanne stated, "It's not possible for me to correctly interpret the actions of people on a neighboring boat.... I can not either, but their actions certainly raise questions.
As described, a dinghy in high winds seems like an unnecessary risk, and further compounding the shoving off process. I envision the assisting tender maybe having to stand up to reach the mooring lines. Once the yacht is free, the little guy maybe in the way, something both skippers otherwise would not have had to consider or contend with.
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From the start of our cruising plans, my first mate and I determined that I would take the lead role as the skipper and agreed that both of us must acquire adequate sailing skills in all capacities, radio skills, medical training, SCUBA certification, and more.
I can not understand why a partner of either gender would be content with simply being a passenger.
* What would the sole passenger do if the skipper was washed overboard, and maybe did or did not drown? In either case, with skills and quick action, that person could be saved. Standing by helplessly, in grief and terror, is not an acceptable option for us.
* If two weeks from land, what would the helpless passenger do upon awakening, finding the skipper had a serious stroke, or dead from a heart attack? The helpless passenger does not know where they are, where they are going, how to sail to someplace, drifting in circles, rations diminishing, and weather happening. Now is not the time to begin studying the mysterious knobs and dials on the Com and Nav equipment. But hey, what else have you got to do at this point, to pass time before your own fate? Ignorant (lack of knowledge) and helpless is not an option for us.
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This post relates to a response in my post "Gratuities - Appropriate" (which currently has scrolled to the second page). The following quote is an excerpt of only the parts
relating to this topic.
I am also an ASA instructor (20 years). I never, never allowed a couple to take the course at the same time. The male would take the lead and the partner (female) would hang back and not really learn anything or assert herself. The dynamics of the couple's relationship precludes both learning fully the subject and techniques crucial to safe sailing. Better to be on two different boats or two different time/classes. Bottom line you are waisting one whole tuition cost as one of you will be alpha and the other will milktoast it. Not a good situation when on a boat by yourselves it becomes necessary for the partner to take charge.
I took note of oririssailings' comments, and understand his reasoning. I have not changed my mind about attending our sailing schools together, and here are a few of the numerous reasons.
A bond exists between various people. A bond exists amongst couples, and teams, especially teams in the life saving and survival business, especially strong amongst experienced police, fire fighters, and military. I trained and worked as a civilian marine fire fighter. Both my first mate and I served in the military and participated sports, both separately, but have those experiences in common.
Training as a team is invaluable. Team members think alike. Often communication is not required. Team members know what to expect of team mates. They know each others strengths, weaknesses, and limitations. Team mates are brutally honest, challenge each other, and provide motivation. If something requires immediate attention, and one partner is sleeping, incapable, or otherwise occupied, a team member fills the need. Teams working together are more efficient and successful than individuals of the same number attempting the same objective.
My first mate and I have attended various seminars, classes, and participate in regular 30 minute conference calls. Afterwards, we compare notes, and discuss the content of the communication received. That proves so valuable. What one may have missed, the other did not. Working together we obtain so much more. We approach our sailing studies and schools in the same way.
We have considered oririssailings' comments but will not comply with them, denying ourselves so much more. We know we will be better sailors and get more "bang for the buck", participating as a team, and strengthening our bond as a couple.
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As a former military officer charged with training troops there was a saying, "killing them with kindness".
It means: In order for training to be effective, it must be tough, realistic, and challenging. In practical application, the person in charge may want to be a nice guy and go easy on those in training.
For example in SCUBA training, an instructor may allow students to pass and become a certified diver, by describing how two divers share a single respirator, (a basic diving skill), rather than demonstrating the ability to do so under water. When and if the need arises to share a respirator, both divers lack the experience of having done so, and both drown.
In actuality the SCUBA instructor denied them the experience required, and "Killed them with kindness."
As the skipper in our cruising partnership / team, I know and realize this. I certainly will not kill my first mate with kindness, or allow her to do that either. That requires discipline and self-discipline.
I understand oririssailing's firm policy and I commend him for it.