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Old 11-29-2007, 06:56 PM   #1
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I've been following Blue Stocking for over a year now and am sad to hear how things have come apart at the seams. Paul has an interesting log entry that is probably worth reading for those planning a long voyage prior to retirement.

http://www.sailblogs.com/member/bluestocking/

Paul seems to be taking things pretty well considering....
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Old 11-29-2007, 09:39 PM   #2
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Even so, I'd trade places with him in a heart beat. I think he's going to live life "and feel it" more now than he ever has in the past.
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Old 11-29-2007, 10:36 PM   #3
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Does this ring a bell?

The grass is always greener on the other side!

Careful what you ask for you just might get it!

Idle hands are the Devil's workshop!

Life just isn't easy what ever you do, so pull up the old boot straps, and work on fixing the things that trouble you. You definatley get a big A+ for speaking up with the problems. I got my fingers crossed for you Paul!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 11-29-2007, 11:15 PM   #4
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The bottom line seems to be that some can do the cruising thing on a few crumbs in an otherwise empty biscuit tin whilst others need either some form of pension, a rich daddy or a substantial equity balance.Why is this so? I don't know. Obviously some have markatable skills, such as dentists, electricians etc. whilst others ( a very few) write for a living. Another group take seasonal jobs , consultancy missions or equivilent whist yet another group wait until they get their pensions which gives them economic, if restricted, freedom.

IMHO one has to fit into one group or another. If you do not then you will have difficulty making ends meet. I used to belong to the work a while - sail a while group but now I am into waiting-for-my-pension-mode. Which ever group one aspires to it is essential to have the cruising kitty organised so that predictable income meets or exceeds predictable coasts and a little extra for contingencies.

Any further thoughts on this?

Aye // Stephen
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Old 11-30-2007, 12:36 AM   #5
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Nail on the head Stephen.

Just a thought here...

With a little bit of long distance effort and some help state-side, I bet he could pull a loan against the remaining property, read a few books on day trading, sit at his lap top in the tropics and make a few profitable moves.
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Old 11-30-2007, 01:07 AM   #6
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Is the glass empty ?

Not sure that he would be any different on land - depressing just to read.

The majority of long term cruisers - who are still cruising - are generally fairly good at planning for their needs.

The guy's insights seem to reveal more issues than just the ability to fund his present life.
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Old 11-30-2007, 04:18 AM   #7
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I wonder how much his marriage failing affects his mood. Being almost halfway around might also have something to do with it. NZ might be nice, but knowing that getting back home is a long journey from there could be worrisome.

I think that he hasn't quite figured out how to reduce expenses without feeling deprived. For those we've met who have to live on a very limited budget, I think their best quality was that they did it without feeling as if they were deprived.

One cruising couple, really nice people, were always welcome guests at cruiser gatherings. They neither brought alcohol to any other boat nor drank anybody else's alcohol. They were happy with their soft drinks, fruit juices, and water that they brought with them. They dinghied over to greet each new boat that entered their anchorage, and brought a gift of smiles, conversation, and a loaf of freshly baked bread. They contributed to any gathering with fruit and nut mixes or some other food gift. They were not freeloaders. They fished a lot, and shared their catch with others. And their budget was $12.00 per day, which covered everything, including all maintenance and repairs on the boat. And they were happy.

If you don't have a good financial plan, then I think you have to have a good working plan. Whatever, I think that the most important part of any cruising plan is to spend less than you earn each year. Of course, if the cruise is a finite sabbatical from the working world to which you are returning, perhaps this isn't so important. But I think you will find returning to the working world easier to accept if you don't have a huge debt to repay.
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Old 11-30-2007, 04:34 AM   #8
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Going through a divorce at sea, from someone that you considered your first mate, trust worthy partner and not to mention best friend and lover must be completely devastating. Not having family or friends near by to help you through the two or three years necessary to find your footing again must be overwhelming. The fact that he is facing his unplanned situation head-on is commendable.

I hope he continues and is able to find his bearings.
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Old 11-30-2007, 04:49 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trim50 View Post
I hope he continues and is able to find his bearings.
Agreed!

Although some critical voices have been raised I am sure we all wish him well. I am just as sure that we all hope he does not give up but surmounts his difficulties which, in the end, will make him a stronger man. We all have experiences, not all of which are pleasant, but, hopefully, we learn from them and, ultimately, draw strength from them.

Aye // Stephen
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Old 11-30-2007, 08:03 AM   #10
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How amazing to find oneself the topic of a formal written conversation. Thank you K for letting me know this was going on. And thanks too to all the other posters who have been following my progress.

I don't really argue with the more crochety posts. Please remember that the financial plan and approach we took was a matter of negotiation between The Mate and I. Alone, or with a different partner, it might have been very different.

I obviously don't deny that I am depressed to some extent. I am a therapist by trade, and I don't really think that mental issues are a matter of shame. I am feeling some depression, but I am trying hard to make a major mid-course change in a matter of a few weeks. I've got mood and personality issues. Don't any of you? Lots of cruisers have em. Lots of cruisers are alcoholics, diabetics, dyslexics, arthritics, I mean, you name it. Does that mean they have to stay home?

The local Watermaker guy hired me (because of my home-built watermaker and my sparkling personality) but a competitor threatened to drop a dime on us over the work permit issue, so I had to quit after less than a week. But it was a good week.

I took a day to recover (the day I wrote the slightly dark last post (I warned you in the first paragraph that it would be dark.) I didn't force you to read it. Sorry it triggered your own depressive feelings. ) This morning I got a phone call offering me another job: this time the local sailmaker, based on a little schmoozing I did last week and my experience (!) building 4 sails for BS from Sailrite Kits. This afternoon I was piloting a full size sailmaking sewing machine for the first time, sewing on a new sunshield on an old RF jib. Not perfectly, but the boss filling out the paper work to support a work permit and I'm off to Auckland Monday to file the application. Following my own advice, I am resisting elation, although I did spring for an actual cheeseburger at lunch!

Love the day trading idea. With my luck in real estate, I can just imagine how I'd do as a trader. Anyway I'm pretty sure the RE market has essentially eliminated my initial $150K cash stake in our duplex. Maybe if The Mate holds on to the property the value will return, but not for 5 years or more, IMHO.

Anyway, I'm writing what is actually happening on this voyage, and this is it.

Thanks for the support!

Paul
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Old 11-30-2007, 08:28 AM   #11
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Welcome aboard Paul - good to have you here.

Thank you for freely and honestly sharing some very real issues that affect most of us "out" there at some time or another. Your honesty and writing style is a breath of fresh air.

Hope to hear more from you here and we'll be following your trials and tribulations and, hopefully soon, clear way forward, on your Blog.

Best of luck forward!
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Old 11-30-2007, 01:56 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueStocking View Post
Love the day trading idea. With my luck in real estate, I can just imagine how I'd do as a trader. Anyway I'm pretty sure the RE market has essentially eliminated my initial $150K cash stake in our duplex. Maybe if The Mate holds on to the property the value will return, but not for 5 years or more, IMHO.

Paul
Yup, luck is all too often the word. *When we left, real estate was booming in Boston, and less than two years later several of our friends and associates in RE filed for bankruptcy. *At least one marriage went on the rocks as a result. *I never thought that we were so clever, just lucky.

I feel the same way about sailing. *"Good seamanship is no substitue for blind luck" should be my signature on this board.

NZ is full of pretty wonderful people. *I am surprised that you can get a work permit for NZ without leaving the country. *I think that a lot of people would be interested in how that is possible. *After*you've*received*the*permit,*could*you*perha ps*tell*us*how/why*this*was*accomplished?

As*with*the*others*on*the*board,*I*wish*you

Fair*winds,

Jeanne*
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Old 11-30-2007, 02:12 PM   #13
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Paul,

As I stated above I have got my fingers crossed for you, and you still get that big A+. I won't wish you luck, because luck is a poopy thing to depend on. Sounds to me like you have already used that charm, and lovely personality to brings favors your way. Keep your nose to the grind stone, and make progress forward.

You are very correct about us all having issues. It is how we work through them that counts. Obviously you have the skills to work that out. Just don't let people catch you talking to yourself in your own therapy.....LOLOLOLOL...BEST WISHES
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Old 11-30-2007, 04:34 PM   #14
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Paul,

Welcome aboard and glad to have you with us. I too would like to know the in's-and-out's of getting work in New Zealand. The wife and I have considered stopping there for a couple years.

Cheers,

Ken
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Old 11-30-2007, 09:35 PM   #15
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Good to have you with us Paul. Welcome aboard.

It is not often we get a new member who has been the subject of a forum discussion. In fact, I can't recall it ever happening in the past.

I was sorry to read of your problems and, at the same time, quite amazed that you wanted to share them with the world at large. I am not at all certain that I would have been man enough to have done the same thing.

One thing I do know is that Cruiser Log is about encouraging people to go cruising and to make a success of it. To be perfectly frank, we derive benefit from the experiences of others; both good and bad. Indeed, they should be discussed as it is all part and parcel of the learning curve. We always try to achieve a friendly debate, learn from our own and others' mistakes and do all this with a modecum of humorisms and a large dose of empathy. It is very seldom that we don't succeed to achieve these objectives.

I think we are fortunate to have you join us and I sincerely hope that you will become a regular contributor to these boards.

Aye // Stephen
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Old 12-01-2007, 03:08 AM   #16
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Thank you all for your kind words. I decided early on that one of the primary aspects of this voyage would be the blog and that it would be no BS. Naturally there have been limits where other's feelings and privacy are affected, but I see no reason not to be perfectly frank, especially now it's essentially just me. There is no shame in untoward events occurring in one's life, unless perhaps they have been brought on by one's own moral failings. I don't really think this has been the case in my story, although I am no paragon. Certainly I believe that The Mate and I gave it our best efforts to make things work. And I think happier times will come for Blue Stocking and me. It's just part of the whole story.

Some of my blog readers have given me very satisfying feedback about the value of my writing to them. I haven't ever made a living specifically as a writer (although that is basically what a lawyer is, which, sadly I must admit is in my history) but I like to do certain kinds of writing. If one combines that with a satisfied or at least engaged audience, what could be better.

As I told someone at the Jumble Sale at the Cruising Club this morning, I didn't plan things this way, but I am getting a richer experience as a result of the setbacks we've had.

Paul
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Old 12-02-2007, 03:03 AM   #17
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Thank you very much Paul. I really respect you being so honest about your feelings and thoughts. You really gave me so hope for myself. Myself i suffer from a few mental problems (Depression, Bi Polar #2 and Agrophobia) just last month i setteled a very long legal battle that gave me the funds to get my first live aboard boat. I do not want to get off track here. But after i read your post i had the feeling my dream can come ture and that the fear that comes with the move can be over come. I wish you the very best and please stay strong it is your life good or bad you decide how to live it. I hope to read more.

John
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Old 12-02-2007, 03:47 AM   #18
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Dear John,

I think I'm going to print your post out and frame it! We are all so much stronger together than any of us is alone. Stay with your dreams! I'll keep writing. It's slightly addictive (but in a good way? LOL).

Paul
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Old 12-03-2007, 06:49 PM   #19
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Paul,

You sound in great spirits! That is good stuff, and uplifting for all of us too. I once myself filled 200 pages of thoughts, and photos. I was going through the same problem. Seperation from my lady impacted me like nothing else.

One day I went to work, and like a mad man started printing pictures from my PC. I would cut them out, and staple them to the wall. I found myself staring at hundreds of pictures for days. One day I just started writing, and it took place for nearly everyday for a year. IT BECAME ADDICTIVE, and eventually it set me free. I later realized I was teaching myself to appreciate what I had, and not worry about what I had lost. Some time later that empty hole was filled, and I was a much smarter man for everything I went through.
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Old 12-04-2007, 05:54 AM   #20
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I decided the fairly dark post has served its purpose and I have lightened it up, mainly by shortening it. Don't want to scare potentially helpful people away, after all!

Thanks to all.
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